see, i think i am even past that point. i am better off and i have moved on. it isn't even work anymore, i just look at him and wonder "wtf?". it is so nice because it was so much drama and hurt for so long, i never thought i would get to the point where i didn't even get how i felt for him then.
she doesn't have a crazy new girlfriend that decided that the best way to make a new life with her is to slander your name all over the world and rewrite everything in your past.
OH they made drama for you?! damn. i'm probably ( actually i'm positive i am ) the topic of so much but drama - i was bigger than it and walked away. its not like it was something to fight for.
no i had a part in the drama, i could have walked away from it all but i didn't realize it then and i allowed myself to be drawn back into it.
i don't get why anymore, it was stupid, i was stupid. i wanted everyone to like me and i thought that i had to defend myself. now i realize that people will either like me or not, it doesn't matter what i say or if i defend myself.
ya know come to think of it... when jenni and i would fight. it was big drama and major hurt. so i know exactly how you feel. i would get so depressed and then i'd get mad and then i'd fight with everyone.
thank god we always make up. even after the big bad shit.
exactly, fighting is good. i always tried not to fight. i need to work on that when i am seeing someone, fighting is good, conflict cause help and avoid conflict just makes things worse and prolongs crap like a bad breakup.
to tell you the truth the best thing about chris was that i learn that i don't have to be nice to everyone, that i have to think about myself and what i want in a relationship. now the hard part will be to actually do that, i am backboneless a lot of the time.
i always knew what was important, i mean, i know that taking care of me first is what i have to do, however the backbone was a problem when it came to emontions. i couldn't stick to what i told myself i should do with it.
i can set myself a stick budget and follow it, i can make a plan to work out or eat right or whatever and follow it but the whole emotional aspect of my life was a mess. it hasn't been tested in a while so i am not sure if it is still a mess.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 06:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 06:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 06:19 pm (UTC)it was hard to avoid the drama
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Date: 2005-03-17 06:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 06:31 pm (UTC)i don't get why anymore, it was stupid, i was stupid. i wanted everyone to like me and i thought that i had to defend myself. now i realize that people will either like me or not, it doesn't matter what i say or if i defend myself.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 06:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 06:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 06:35 pm (UTC)though it might have only been like an hour but i was young.
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Date: 2005-03-17 06:37 pm (UTC)as you will soon find out! is there a fountain there? hm.
*thinks*
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Date: 2005-03-17 06:21 pm (UTC)thank god we always make up. even after the big bad shit.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 06:26 pm (UTC)to tell you the truth the best thing about chris was that i learn that i don't have to be nice to everyone, that i have to think about myself and what i want in a relationship. now the hard part will be to actually do that, i am backboneless a lot of the time.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 06:33 pm (UTC)its good you've figured shit out.
took me a while to know what was right. i was backboneless a lot of the time and i was trying not to hurt people.
can't have it all. but i made me happy.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 06:37 pm (UTC)i can set myself a stick budget and follow it, i can make a plan to work out or eat right or whatever and follow it but the whole emotional aspect of my life was a mess. it hasn't been tested in a while so i am not sure if it is still a mess.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 06:44 pm (UTC)go get one...
now.
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Date: 2005-03-17 06:47 pm (UTC)it doesn't work that way with me scotty, i am way to used to being single and i scare most men.
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Date: 2005-03-17 06:55 pm (UTC)jus not mine *wink*
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Date: 2005-03-17 07:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 07:03 pm (UTC)you are making double dating really hard right now.
whats she lackin? we got a strap on. *blink*
no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 07:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 07:07 pm (UTC)wow we made you LJ like...... collaps.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 07:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 07:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 08:05 pm (UTC)you taste good too
no subject
Date: 2005-03-17 08:09 pm (UTC)