bertine

I am not sure what is doing this but I am having more anxiety than usual. I am getting close to having actual anxiety attacks, which I haven't had in years. There is a lot of things going on right now, including physical changes, that I can't control so I am trying to get through this period. Also, to just let things go.

Anyways, one of the things I do to control my anxiety is to take deep long breathes. "Take a deep breath" is a common phrase that is said to my niece, Kethry, when she is upset about something. When I start taking deep breaths it reminds me of the overly deep breaths she does when she is freaked out and it makes me laugh.

So... this is an even better tactic than usual.

A couple hours ago I told gwangi I was feeling anxious for no reason. He suggested a movie and put in "Bringing Up Baby". This movie isn't calming at all.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Current Location: US, Minnesota, Minneapolis

Dear Body,
Please refrain from having a giant anxiety attack while on the way to work. Yes, I know we have a lot of things to do in the next few weeks but it isn't really that bad. Plus, it isn't really productive to list off all the things that need to be done while I am stuck in the car.

XOXO,
Bertine

I can't wait until our house is back in order with the new cabinet and the washer is fixed and our taxes are filled. Oh, and the cabinets sold and the old TV given to my brother.

I am just anxious right now.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Current Location: US, Minnesota, Minneapolis, Hennepin

I am really anxious right now. I don't like it.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Current Location: US, Minnesota, Minneapolis, Hennepin

I went to therapy today. We decided I was done again. I am glad this didn't go on for a long time though it was sort of a specific set of issues that was dealt with 6 or 7 visits.

The last half of the appointment we talked about wedding plans. It was fun!

I am annoyed that I didn't get anything done last night because I let my anxiety get to me. Now I am feeling even more anxious because I have a ton of dirty dishes, clean laundry all over the place and no stamps to mail my bills.

Also, it isn't a good idea to try to catch up with Supernatural when you are already on edge. It just makes it so you have to sleep with all the lights on.

I know I am not the only one feeling this way right now but wow, being anxious sucks. I was good when I left work because I got a lot done today but once I got home I couldn't concentrate on anything very well. I did, however, get my walls and ceiling primed. I should do some more repair work on the ceiling but I am really sick of the ceiling. Actually, I am really sick of having to do so much work. I miss my bathroom, I miss my bathtub. I just want to stop having to think about this so much.

Today I have posted two entries and then deleted them, I only do this when I am like I am right now. I totally had a panic attack last night and I felt really bad that Zach had to see me like that but it was really nice to have someone there.

In two days I am having a bunch of people over for a clothing swap. I am excited about this and I have decided that as long as the dishes are washed, the cat box is clean and I pick up the living room I don't care what the rest of my house looks like.

Today I bought a sundress that I never would have bought before. It is skimpy and shows a lot of boobs and I think I am actually going to wear it out of my house. It is amazing to me the changes in me in the last few years.

(It helps that one of the changes was I lost weight and toned up a little).

Tonight I am lonely. Not for friends, which I have great ones right now, but for someone that would keep me from reading chick lit that I find on the free table of my building. I should be reading my anti-anxiety book so I can shore up my self-esteem again but I just want escapism right now.

Today I have been on edge all day. Doubting my decisions on so many things. They are mostly unfounded doubts but that doesn't mean that they magically go away. I am pretty happy lately so I think this is just me doubting that things are going well. I am working on convincing myself it is okay to be happy for awhile.

I also really need to go on vacation. Nothing makes me feel better than going somewhere new.

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Entries tagged with anxiety

Anxiety

Anxious

Anxiety

Ahhh

Anxious

Done

Sigh, part II

Anxiety

Dress

Lonely

Anxiety

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April 2017

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