Weddings

[bertine]

Is it normal to just be completely overwhelmed by the idea of planning a wedding? I have been engaged for almost a month and I haven't really done any planning at all.

Comments

[lonely-doll.livejournal.com]

Yes! Or, at least if it's not normal, it's not abnormal - I couldn't do anything for quite awhile, either, I just couldn't even think where to start.

[bertine.livejournal.com]

I am slowing coming up with a guest list but I am just weirdly stuck.

What I want to get done by the end of the year is figure out roughly how many people we want to invite, what date we want to have it and a couple options on where to have it.

Then the next step will be dress shopping (which my mom and sister wants to do much more than I do).

I have been reading some wedding blogs and even the "non-traditional" ones are way over the top for me.

[heathrow.livejournal.com]

You might want to figure out where before when. Some places might be booked up during your optimal times, so you could need some flexibility.

Your/his parents could help with the guest list. With my wedding, we gave half of the guest list to the parents (divided evenly among them). "You have X number of people to invite. Within 1 month, give us the names and addresses of who you want included on the list." Some family members were already taken care of from our list, but I told them that already. It took trying to remember every single 1st cousin out of the equation.

What it boils down to is what kind of wedding do you want? Small or medium or big? Church or secular? Tom and I had our wedding and reception at a historic event site, officiated by a judge. We did pictures beforehand so we could get to enjoying the party as quickly as possible. Not having people traveling between two sites made it a lot more fun and easy for us in terms of planning.
(I hope this makes sense, I have a migraine.)

[bertine.livejournal.com]

I already have all my first cousins in the list and I have already told my parents that I am *not* going to be inviting too many people that are past that because I can't afford to have a huge wedding. I swear I am related to most of the Twin Cities area at times.

We are looking at a winter of 2011 wedding so I am not really worried about them being booked yet.

[heathrow.livejournal.com]

We had around 100 people at our wedding. Each parent "set" was given 15 people to invite, for a total of 45. (There was still gnashing of teeth, since my parents were divorced 5 years before my wedding and...drama ensued whenever someone felt slighted.)

We figured out our budget for the wedding first, then backed into location amount of people we could invite. We were not sure how much help we would have from family. Tom and I started saving 6 months before the wedding and socked away a decent amount to pay for it completely. (I really recommend this path. Figure out what you can afford before falling in love with X place.)

[bertine.livejournal.com]

With my siblings, aunts & uncles and first cousins the amount is at 81 people. That doesn't count Zach's side of the family, the couple of extended family relatives that I would want to invite or any friends at all.

My dad keeps telling me that I shouldn't worry about it but we haven't had a sit down about numbers yet. I still plan on keeping this as frugal as possible, I don't want them paying for more than they have to.

[heathrow.livejournal.com]

Goodness! I feel for you.

However, doing it during the winter will save you money, since I bet most MSP brides don't choose that time. (I'd think...)

[bertine.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I have a big family. I also have a lot of friends. It is going to be tough when I decide who to invite from work. Argh!

[sacramentalist.livejournal.com]

Just consider the people who blog wedding. If they're blogging about it, there's going to be something they consider worth bragging about.

It took me a while to realize STD stood for "save the date"

[bertine.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you are right. I just want a nice ceremony and then to feed my friends and family and have a fun reception with silly pictures and then a fun honeymoon. I don't care about the dress or if it is perfect or anything else than if Zach shows up and someone signs the marriage license.

[phoenixredux.livejournal.com]

Having survived two of them, I found the best strategy is to let my future mother-in-law and/or bride do whatever she wants to do, and just say, "Gee, that's beautiful." Also "Yes, Dear" is another useful phrase.

If I had to plan a wedding, it would probably involve a spring or summertime pig roast in a conveniently located park shelter. Or a trip to the courthouse and a reception at Old Country Buffet. OMG do you know how much money you would save doing that?! What do caterers cost? OCB has got to be cheaper. I'll bet there's even a group discount.

[springbok1.livejournal.com]

When I was dating rgeorge, his sister got married, and they had the rehearsal dinner at a chain similar to OCB in South Carolina. Both the bride and groom had tons of siblings, and tons of nieces and nephews, so it was a huge group. They basically roped off a quarter of the restaurant for us.

(The wedding itself had a cake reception at the church. Their parents were from the no-rock-music, no dancing, no drinking flavor of Christian fundamentalism. So, there wasn't much of a point in having the reception somewhere that could accomodate a band or dj.)

[phoenixredux.livejournal.com]

I think I'd rather elope, honestly. In Amsterdam.

[theophania-79.livejournal.com]

like!

[scentedwoods.livejournal.com]

Yup. The good news is that the planning goes in spurts so you don't have to do everything at once.

[bertine.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I suppose, just looking at it right now I just see my next year being completely taken up with wedding stuff.

[styletax.livejournal.com]

Totally this. There was one clump where we were figuring out venues/dates. Then a lull. Then officiant/photog/caterer (just finished that). Moving forward it's now time to look at dresses and invites. I was really overwhelmed at the beginning because there seemed to be SO much to do, but I found a good checklist with "what to look at and when" and that chilled me out. Really, getting the date and place set took a huge weight off.

[melissa-maples.livejournal.com]

Vegas, baby.

[melissa-maples.livejournal.com]

Not necessarily in that order.

[melissa-maples.livejournal.com]

*rim shot*

[bertine.livejournal.com]

LOL. I want to have a party and see my family. I don't want it to be a big deal but it is hard to fight against that.

[pork_chop]

what's the rush? why not just enjoy being engaged for a while? :)

have you set a date?

[bertine.livejournal.com]

It is all the questions that people keep asking me! So much pressure!

[pork_chop]

i remember kristi being really stressed about everything, too.

[sacramentalist.livejournal.com]

Yes

In fact, I was grouchy about weddings this morning. I have had my fill with them.

[sterlingphoenix.livejournal.com]

1. One step at a time. You haven't even set a date yet.
2. Tell people to STFU.

Also, yes.

[annablume.livejournal.com]

Yes, but I ended up really enjoying my wedding planning and I think you will, too. Think of it as project management!

[phaedie.livejournal.com]

Completely normal, you'll have fun with it and stress and have anxiety and it will be beautiful and perfect and maybe even funny at times.
It will be wonderful whatever you do.

[bubblemonkey.livejournal.com]

Decide where you want to have it and then see what dates they have available. My biggest problem was finding a venue *small enough* believe it or not. We had 12 people at our wedding (us included) and most places wouldn't even let us book less than 50 or 100. Stupid. And let people help you. That is my best advice. I tried to do everything myself and was so harried and frazzled on my wedding day that I don't even remember it. I wish I had someone there to set up the flowers and make sure the food was ready, etc.

[absenthine.livejournal.com]

It's completely normal. You don't have to plan everything; you can delegate to other people who want to help. This saves time AND headache!

[sharya.livejournal.com]

Most important items to be done well ahead of time:

Pick a date.
Pick a location.
Pick a photographer.
Ensure person marrying you is willing to marry you at your location, and is available, and book them.

Make sure all of the above corresponds to the same date.

Everything else can be done 6 months before or ever closer to the date depending on your level of organization and level of detail you want to get into.

[sharya.livejournal.com]

And by location, I mean both place of the ceremony and place of the reception.

[saphirepassion.livejournal.com]

Don't worry you have plenty of time to plan for your special day. I know a couple that had a wedding with only three weeks of the planning process and it worked out for them.

[polyranger.livejournal.com]

Stressing over a wedding is completely normal.

If you like Italian, Sweet Taste of Italy can cater a mostichole (SP?) dinner with bread, salad, and brownies for around $5.00 - $6.00 a head. We had them at our reception. It was really good food and super priced. Pay the extra $60.00 and get their servers. Well worth it. And they clean it all up so you don't have to worry about any of it. This was three years ago, but prices are probably still close. And they have a vegetarian option with a meatless sauce.

Also, if you need any help, let me know. I loved planning our wedding and I enjoy all the little detail stuff.

When looking for a venue, make sure that they have insurance and that you don't need to get any yourself. Also, check with the city about the need to hire a police officer. I know it sounds weird, but if alcohol is served and it is more that 50 people, a lot of cities require this now. St. Paul for one does.